weiqi, i'm sorry.

to one who will never read this,
i apologise.

to that same one,
i am sorry, i truly am.

many times i have ridiculed, even mocked,
the childishness of the people i knew.
many times i have laughed off,
the oblivion i thought people suffered from.

but i am no different.

time after time,
i resent their childishness,
but i still act as one of them.
time after time,
i despise their comments,
but i still make them.
time after time,
i think myself mature,
but i am no different.

i finally am at the threshold of maturity.
and i understand, at least, this much.

one able to consider his maturity,
should already be a mature person,
for one immature would never admit.

yet, people reckon me childish, ignorant.
the last to describe me being mature.
of that, i was resentful, defiant.

but i now know why.

it is not two finite definitions, classifications, perhaps,
that define people's maturity.
there is yet an intermediate.
'non-maturity' as i'd call it.

yes, non-maturity is what i am at.
it is the stage whereby,
one knows and differs being childish,
yet, doesn't change.

what defines, or what others would be able to view as maturity,
is when a person is able to MAKE the choice to be mature.

everything has a reaction.
ironically, action-reaction, action-reaction.

without action, can there be reaction?
without making the choice, will the change be seen?

to weiqi,
i'm sorry.
i know i'm wrong.
i acknowledge my faults and won't make any excuses.
i have hurt you and for that, i regret.
i wish i could make amends.
and somehow, i know this has and will become a big obstacle between us.
i miss the times we talked, long ago.
we have distanced, to my greatest regret.
and i am sorry for hurting you.

but above all,
thank you, thank you so very much,
for letting me realize what ihave.