Day 9 - Friendly Strangers.

Day 9 – 290913

Free Wifi Zone of AO Hostel

Day 9 and still no apartment. But that's not what today's entry is about. In the past few days I have come to a certain realisation. That while I have been telling everyone that I'm generally carefree, and that “everything will work out in the end”, I realised that I have been actually complacent. I had been taking God's will for granted. I had been taking His plans for granted. I always assumed that God will take care of me and hence had little worries, without making any real conscious effort to listen to and follow God's will. These few days I have been praying more and asking God for help.

One of my friends told me that this uncertainty is part and parcel of life overseas. It's this gripping feeling of uncertainty, that tomorrow I might not have a place to stay; or that tomorrow I might not be able to sleep in a room; or that I might be completely lost in an area with no help. This inability to find a place to stay in, strangely, has not really seriously worried me over the past few days. Yes, it's frustrating. Yes, it's tiring. But ultimately, I think things will work out somehow. I'm not completely sure why I am so confident, but I am.

Today was most interesting because of the kindness extended by complete strangers. In the morning, I formally introduced myself to the church that I attended last Sunday. I went early and handed them my commendation letter. This made all the difference as I was introduced to the assembly as well, and many of them came forward to welcome me and ask me a few questions about myself. It was fairly interesting and when I mentioned my difficulty in looking for an apartment, they all readily accepted and promised that they would ask around for anyone with a spare room. Unfortunately, I couldn't really understand the sermon as I still am unable to understand enough of what is said. Nevertheless, the singing of hymns and prayer still feels a bit like home. I had a nice lunch of Carbonara at Pizzeria Centrale at Sophienstraße before cycling back to the Hostel.

After church, I went to see a room at Am Künstlerhaus 21. When I arrived, there was one other guy (whom I had met a few days before at another apartment) there. When we went up to see the house, there were another 2 who had come to see the place. Quite promptly, both of them did not want to rent the place. Admittedly, it wasn't very clean, and the smell of weed was kinda strong. But it was a big room, and really quite close to the university. I readily said that I would want to rent the room and he, too, wanted to rent it out to me. It wasn't until I left the place and checked out the place around that I found a huge problem: the place was right next to a red light district, where there were a number of brothels. Well. I did not really expect that. So, right now, I have a serious dilemma. The pros and cons are pretty clear. Pros: big place, near to university. Cons: Shady area, Price. I'm still undecided, though I'd take it as a last resort. Again, this is with the dubious assumption that he would probably rent it out to me.

In the evening, I went out again in search of another apartment in the Hagsfeld area, northeast of Karlsruhe. After reaching there, I realised that I did not have the house number and had no way of contacting the tenant except via email. I decided, instead, to ask around for help. There was a father-son pair who were cycling around, presumably home. I asked them if they knew of any nearby WGs that had a spare room. What I did not expect, however, was the extent to which they were willing to go to help me. They went around knocking on the doors of those they believed to be WGs. When unsuccessful, we went further down to check out another place. We found a group of young people who were having a BBQ. When asked if they were a WG (which they weren't), they offered to ask around if their friends had free rooms. Long story short, I left my number with them and they promised to call if anything cropped up. I was genuinely touched by how unbelievably helpful they were.

So far, I'd say that my stay in Germany has not been what I expected, both in a good way and bad. I never realised how difficult it would be to find a place here, or how bad the housing situation here was. I really should have taken Vincent's offer a month back, when he had a friend with a room to rent. Still, I have come into contact with Singaporeans here I haven't even met perseonally who are willing to ask around for me. Jared said he would ask a taiwanese friend for me, if I could rent one of their rooms. The experience here has also been good, in that I've come to know a few Chinese friends, as well as find out what I am like in a foreign country with a group of foreign people who speak a foreign language. The conclusion: really quiet unless approached. Naturally I would like to be sociable, but when you're given a handicap as massive as a language, it's really hard to be yourself.

Still, it's only been 9 days. Here's to many more years.

Day 4 - The Dastardly Search.

Day 4, and the sickening search for an apartment goes on. It's only been 4 days but I already feel so fatigued by the constant everyday droll of searching through pages and pages of advertisements looking, not even for anything to my tastes, but anything at all. Initially I had been picky and applied only to those that strictly fit my criteria, but now I am just about willing to take anything less than 45 mins away, and costing less than 350 Euros a month (up from 300). The past few days have been spent on this incessant and seemingly fruitless search for apartments so rare the entire hostel is unable to find any. Had I know how difficult it would be, I would have immediately taken up Vincent's offer.

Why it is sickening, you may ask? Well, without a contract, you cannot: get your Bank unlocked (the service staff was nice enough to help me unlock and state the temporary address as the hostel I'm staying in), get your insurance confirmed, register at the Bürgerbüro (Citizen office), lengthen your Visa, get your place in the Uni completely confirmed, purchase your semester ticket etc. The list goes on. Besides all these official stuff, however, I also cannot settle down properly and put my stuff down for real. I cannot buy groceries per se as I can only buy for the day's needs. I can never be sure that my belongings are entirely secure and thus I lug my laptop everywhere. My meals have largely been bread and fast food, and I cooked my first pack of maggi mee just now. It is surprising that I started on my maggimee a mere 4 days into my journey overseas.

The search aside, it's been really interesting mixing with the crowd here. I find myself spending my time primarily with the Chinese here from China, who are also looking for a place to stay in. They are very friendly and seem genuinely interested in me, despite the difficulty in communicating (my horrid command of chinese). We had a meal in a Chinese restaurant (Yang Da) yesterday which was surprising worth the money I paid and did not taste bad.

As for today, the morning was spent getting my Immatrikulation done. Despite being half an hour early, I found myself both dismayed and amused. Dismayed because there were already 10 people ahead of me, and amused because 7 of them were Asians. As I have always remarked, stereotypes exist because of a significant portion of the population acting so. Unfortunately, when it finally came to my turn, the lady informed me that my insurance might not be valid (which it was, but not ideal) and that I could not pay the semester fees with cash. Thus, I made my way to DB and got the payment and subsequently, the proof thereof. With that, I rushed back to the International Students' Office and got my (conditional) Immatrikulation done.

I'm glad that Yujay linked me up with Vincent, who has been rather helpful in giving me tips for settling down and getting around. I'm glad for Denise as well, who gave me some key tips on getting an apartment in a place suffering a lack thereof. Daniel (bona) also linked me up with a guy studying music here – a certain Jared, who has so graciously offered to ask around his friends for a place on my behalf.

Right now, I'm just waiting for replies and my 4 appointments tomorrow. The first being a test ride on a bicycle, the second being an appointment for apartment viewing, and the last 2 being Open House(s). Hopefully, something will happen tomorrow. Until then, I'm homeless.

Maybe this is part and parcel of studying overseas. This uncertainty and uneasiness about the near future. I find, at this point, that I'm really not a person who is self-driven. It takes so much effort to push myself to continue searching for an apartment. Much of my time is spent simply waiting for some good fortune to hit me, which, I now realise, is really not how it works. Getting things to happen requires active effort and an extra step, which your competitors had not made. That said, it suddenly feels like I'm getting caught up in the competition, which is also not what I came to Germany for.

Still, much about the next month, what more the next year, is far beyond me. I have absolutely no idea what the immediate future holds for me. Current step, next step. Current step, next step. 

Day 0 - Farewell, Friends.

And so it begins. My journey of 3 and a half years begins with this journal entry. I sit now in my business class seat penning down what the past few days have been like for me. Beginning at the airport, we arrived and had dinner at the airport with See Leng's family. We ate at Crystal Jade, which was not fantastic and hardly memorable. A good number of people had come to see Linus and See Leng (and I assume, unabashedly, me) off. Ma Ma was there as well, with Aunty Janice and Aunty Siew Hoon. She gave me an Angbao with well wishes for my studies abroad. Aunty Dora gave me an angbao as well (which I, as of now, have not opened). After Linus left, the bulk of the crowd had left after also wishing me well.

The bandies came a little later and waited for me to get my check-in done. They later passed me the card they wrote for me. One of the quotes written on it was this, “My best times have gone, from laughter to memories; My best friends have gone, from friends to family.” -Unknown. The past 2 years have really brought the bandies together as we made time for each other. I read in an article online (I didn't love my wife when I married her) that love was nurtured in its willingness to give, and this was the kind of love we shared. Surprisingly, the note that left the deepest impression was from Sam. I quote, “People say that those closest to you are the hardest to say goodbye to. Perhaps that's why I'm not saying anything.” Well, the bandies left shortly after in their pursuit of McDonald's while the family and church friends went to Ya Kun. Naturally, I had eggs and toast with a cup of iced Milo. We all finally met at the departure gate where Izumi arrived panting. He had rushed from his place in Jurong to the airport. When I commented that it was way too far for him to see me off, his reply really touched me, “It's ok, you're worth it.” I then said my goodbyes and took some pictures with the churchies and proceeded to hug the bandies and say goodbye as well. I took my leave (bumping into some acquaintances from school who were seeing Kieran Ong off) and went past customs. Waving goodbye repeatedly, I finally strode off in my pursuit of the unknown.

The first thing that hit me was how I walked alone – without friends, without family, without company. There was some comfort in the observation that many around me were walking alone as well. I used to think that travel was not much of a solo affair but maybe I was wrong.

I guess I'm finally “past the point of no return.” No backward glances (had to quote PotO). From here on, I have to make good what I told everyone before. “Cannot also must can.” For the moment, that shall be my motto to get me through the first semester. A life away from Singapore and more importantly English is not going to be easy for me. Phil 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” The past study on James has taught me a lot and it tells me about God's will. Today's preparation told me that God's will is always perfect. I cannot predict what life will be like for me in 1 month, what more a year. God alone knows what will happen and I can only trust His hand to guide me.

Maybe this is a time of spiritual rejuvenation for me. God will guide me through as an alien in a foreign land. 

rest well, yeye. see you again.

and so he passes...

what we've been expecting for weeks now has finally come. my grandfather has passed on, and is now in a better place. I was strangely unfeeling, as I watched his now-lifeless body on the bed. It wasn't until I tried to piece my last words to him that I teared up. "yeye, rest well." Finally he's done with all the medication, all the pain, all the discomfort and inconvenience. Finally, he rests.

though I can't say I knew him well, nor loved him as a grandson should, these past few months staying with him allowed me to spend much more time with him. In this time I did manage to interact much more with him and show him the love I should have showed when he was healthy. Cradling his head, holding his hand, these experiences are firmly etched in my memory.

cherish your loved ones while they still live

樹欲靜而風不止 子欲養而親不待