Day 102 - 2014.

Day 102 – 311213

On the bus from Prague back to Karlsruhe

2014.

At the end of every year, most people start to reflect about the past year: things accomplished, friendships – new or old, high points, low points. We mark a year with a beginning and an end, charting out points along the way where something significant had happened.

This time, counting down the new year no longer feels like a huge transit. Formerly, it marked the new school year. New teachers, new classmates, new possibilities. It marks the start of another cycle, the beginning of the academic droll. Maybe this is why this new year feels so unremarkable. The new year begins with a short week of holidays still, and when that is over, the semester resumes. It doesn't begin anew, it does not start afresh. It resumes.

I think it is in these moments of reflection, when one mulls upon the fact that some significant event is spent away from home, that home is brought to mind. I've probably missed only 2 watchnight services – the first time during the Sangkhim painting project and the second while enroute to Australia for AGC. On that note, the last two birthdays were spent overseas as well, and my coming birthday will also be likewise. In 2012 I was powdered and sprayed with deodorant in my own room in OCS 1 week before commissioning. In 2012 I spent my birthday worrying about my next sortie the coming week while our instructor and my AGC coursemates surprised me with a cheesecake (from The Cheesecake Factory) and a massive card. While they made my birthdays quite memorable, it didn't change the fact that I was away from home and away from old friends.

This year, I will be counting down to the new year with a new bunch of friends and will probably celebrate my birthday by treating myself to something nice just before school starts on my birthday. This is probably part and parcel of living overseas. The loneliness that comes from knowing that the friends I grew up with are now moving on with life, leaving me behind, as I also leave them in pursuit of a different life. Much as it hurts, it is a sacrifice I chose to make when I resolved to study overseas.

My first 3 months have shown me that I can take care of myself. They have shown me many more things about myself and about my beliefs that I had not known before. They have taught me to be more open, to be more sensitive, to be less judging. They have taught me humility and shame, courage and firmness. I am therefore so thankful for everything that has happened to allow me to study here in Germany.

I am thankful to God for showing me that the life of a fighter pilot was not for me. I thank God for providing parents who invested so much more than just money to bring me up. I thank God for a family that cares and thinks of me, even from miles and miles. I thank God letting me pass TestDaF and eventually being enrolled in KIT. I thank God for the friends that I found in KIT, with whom I attend every lecture with. I thank God for the resources he provided me with, so that I can live comfortably and without much worry. I thank God because He is good and deserves all the glory.

To the new year, I will press on. Maybe I should stop believing in resolutions, since they are so quickly forgotten. Maybe I should be making commitments and plans instead of a list of things I never saw through. If there is one thing I wanna keep to in this coming year, it would be reading my Bible regularly again. This is something I've been failing to do for a long time running now. So for 2014, keep it simple. Think of one thing and stick to it.

  

day 67 - it's magical!

day 67 – 261113

At the train station after training

pretty sparkles * 

Day 67. It's been 40 days since the last entry, and I keep hearing Eric saying, "I regret not having had a journal when I first came." I would understand how it kinda loses its novelty if I were in my 5th Semester. 

Time really passes quickly when you're having fun you've fallen into a routine that more or less runs itself. It's hard to imagine how it's already been 40 days since the last post. And since then I'm still having firsts over the course of the past few weeks. Things here have been getting hectic but I truly am thankful for the few friends I found (with whom I attend every lecture/tutorial/workshop). With respects to schoolwork, the past few weeks were relatively manageable due to the nature of the coursework - which was primarily the building blocks of Engineering in general. Thankfully, some of it was covered in school and it was more of an additional layer on top of what I already knew. For math I always feel like I'm on the edge of understanding but never reach it. Sequences and convergence still irks me as I don't completely understand what I'm supposed to do. This week functions started (which I thought I had enough fundamental knowledge to build upon) and it's hard to manage.

What inspired/motivated this post, however, was the weather. Sounds pretty mundane, but this is my first full/long/genuine winter I'm experiencing and it's nice to see the whole process. When I arrived in September some of the trees were showing hints of orange. As time passed, they turned orange/red/gold and eventually some of the trees simply turned bare. It was yesterday that it started snowing and I ran out of the house, spread my arms and simply took it in. It was beautiful. Today, during training (I joined Lacrosse, a "CCA" in my university cause I needed some outlet for exercise) I noticed how everything on the field was sparkling (ew twilight) shimmering. The floodlights which shone upon the field lit up the tiny crystals forming on the grass and the flora around the area. When picking up the balls along the edges of the field I also noticed how the plants and their leaves glittering like jewellery. 

I'm really excited that winter is soon upon us. At the same time though, I feel a bit worried about how cold it could get and how much it'd affect daily life. Travelling to school would be probably a pain. Which is why I am considering moving now. Travelling 40mins to school in the winter chill would not be a fantastic idea. Anyhow it's probably too late to move. Moving during winter would also be crazy. 

Photo of the day

Finally, a photo of the day I'm posting that's my own.

Day 9 - Friendly Strangers.

Day 9 – 290913

Free Wifi Zone of AO Hostel

Day 9 and still no apartment. But that's not what today's entry is about. In the past few days I have come to a certain realisation. That while I have been telling everyone that I'm generally carefree, and that “everything will work out in the end”, I realised that I have been actually complacent. I had been taking God's will for granted. I had been taking His plans for granted. I always assumed that God will take care of me and hence had little worries, without making any real conscious effort to listen to and follow God's will. These few days I have been praying more and asking God for help.

One of my friends told me that this uncertainty is part and parcel of life overseas. It's this gripping feeling of uncertainty, that tomorrow I might not have a place to stay; or that tomorrow I might not be able to sleep in a room; or that I might be completely lost in an area with no help. This inability to find a place to stay in, strangely, has not really seriously worried me over the past few days. Yes, it's frustrating. Yes, it's tiring. But ultimately, I think things will work out somehow. I'm not completely sure why I am so confident, but I am.

Today was most interesting because of the kindness extended by complete strangers. In the morning, I formally introduced myself to the church that I attended last Sunday. I went early and handed them my commendation letter. This made all the difference as I was introduced to the assembly as well, and many of them came forward to welcome me and ask me a few questions about myself. It was fairly interesting and when I mentioned my difficulty in looking for an apartment, they all readily accepted and promised that they would ask around for anyone with a spare room. Unfortunately, I couldn't really understand the sermon as I still am unable to understand enough of what is said. Nevertheless, the singing of hymns and prayer still feels a bit like home. I had a nice lunch of Carbonara at Pizzeria Centrale at Sophienstraße before cycling back to the Hostel.

After church, I went to see a room at Am Künstlerhaus 21. When I arrived, there was one other guy (whom I had met a few days before at another apartment) there. When we went up to see the house, there were another 2 who had come to see the place. Quite promptly, both of them did not want to rent the place. Admittedly, it wasn't very clean, and the smell of weed was kinda strong. But it was a big room, and really quite close to the university. I readily said that I would want to rent the room and he, too, wanted to rent it out to me. It wasn't until I left the place and checked out the place around that I found a huge problem: the place was right next to a red light district, where there were a number of brothels. Well. I did not really expect that. So, right now, I have a serious dilemma. The pros and cons are pretty clear. Pros: big place, near to university. Cons: Shady area, Price. I'm still undecided, though I'd take it as a last resort. Again, this is with the dubious assumption that he would probably rent it out to me.

In the evening, I went out again in search of another apartment in the Hagsfeld area, northeast of Karlsruhe. After reaching there, I realised that I did not have the house number and had no way of contacting the tenant except via email. I decided, instead, to ask around for help. There was a father-son pair who were cycling around, presumably home. I asked them if they knew of any nearby WGs that had a spare room. What I did not expect, however, was the extent to which they were willing to go to help me. They went around knocking on the doors of those they believed to be WGs. When unsuccessful, we went further down to check out another place. We found a group of young people who were having a BBQ. When asked if they were a WG (which they weren't), they offered to ask around if their friends had free rooms. Long story short, I left my number with them and they promised to call if anything cropped up. I was genuinely touched by how unbelievably helpful they were.

So far, I'd say that my stay in Germany has not been what I expected, both in a good way and bad. I never realised how difficult it would be to find a place here, or how bad the housing situation here was. I really should have taken Vincent's offer a month back, when he had a friend with a room to rent. Still, I have come into contact with Singaporeans here I haven't even met perseonally who are willing to ask around for me. Jared said he would ask a taiwanese friend for me, if I could rent one of their rooms. The experience here has also been good, in that I've come to know a few Chinese friends, as well as find out what I am like in a foreign country with a group of foreign people who speak a foreign language. The conclusion: really quiet unless approached. Naturally I would like to be sociable, but when you're given a handicap as massive as a language, it's really hard to be yourself.

Still, it's only been 9 days. Here's to many more years.