reflections?

Well, today, i had to meet up my band teacher in charge for a meeting.
a scolding, really.

i mean, throughout the whole time i was ridiculing her, in my mind, of course.
it's really quite funny, how she thinks of us as self-centred bloated rafflesians who never spared a thought about others and the people around ourselves.
all this time, she was starting off many sentences with "why should I.."
how she thought of us as inconsiderate people when all the time, she was going on about how she had to do so many many many things. how she had responsibilities to students as a teacher and whatnot.
believe it or not, she said something like "oh, it's easy to get an MC, for you guys. but for myself, the two teachers, we have responsibilities which are very different from yours." the way she said it. Like we took an MC because we were TIRED?
like wth. i told her i had a fever of 39.2 degrees and she said "the teachers ourselves weren't feeling too well either" YOU THINK I WANTED TO FALL SICK?
YOU THINK I WANTED TO SUFFER SPLITTING HEADACHES AND COUGHS?
LIKE WTH.

okay concerning the concert, i admit i had my mistakes.
it was bad on my part, to have forgotten about the percs.
i was as lost as anyone else, and that is my fault too.
i didn't relay the message that everyone was to go straight to the loading bay.
and what, she complains that she got home at 12+?
wth. i don't believe that. she left the school at 10:50, latest.
by car, excuse me. i do'nt think she would take that long to drive.

it's funny how the person shepraised was the one to tell me to tel everyone to go to the stage door. i was LOST. i didn't know what to do. i didn't know where everyone was. we should have at least shown some initiative and seen her? but where the heck was she. and what, i was supposed to leave those people who went by the stage door?

arghhhh. i'm just so frustrated!
hais. i never should have accepted this position.
i know i'm not the kind of admin person, some details just disappear on me.
i dunno, looking back, it was always the quiet dextrous person who did the admin,
and the bubbly jovial person being the support on which the BM could rely on.
i dunno, why did she have to intefere.
not that zy is bad or anything, but idk.
i wonder if things would be different if i weren't the BM.
maybe i'm not suited for this.

hai. but now, given the opportunity, i have to work more.
yes, i've been given responsibility, and i should behave as someone befitting of his responsibilities. i will live this through.
i will do my job.

Dead too long

Ok hello everyone, Lucas hasn't updated for more than a month and its so annoying coming t this site and seeing th same old post, hands up if you think so too.
Anyway school's started, so much for all th H1N1 shiz, whats th point of a pandemic if we carry on life as pernormal? Totally defeats th purpose. I think E-learning is awesome ttm and is totally not used(enough).
Anyway i thought it was pretty interesting that Lucas' password is still th same ^^ I might just go change it t something else hahaha. On another note, school is so sucky. On another other note, i totally missed school today. On another other other note, i've not watched transformers(!!!!!!!) I think i'm going too far with th whole anti-conformity thing. And Megan Fox IS so a man, th world is so screwed how can men make such gorgeous women but not vice versa? (BTWFYI, i am totally content being a girl, discounting all th bloody periods(omg pun), and other stuff girls have t do like waxing(which is srsly hazardous).
One really awesome thing about MF, her tattoo.(above)
I think people that get like retarded things such as fruits, fishes, turtles and unknown japanese words are kinda psycho? But whoaaaa, 'We will all laugh at gilded butterflies.' Quote from shakespeare's King Lear. It prolly has no meaning but still how cool is thatttttt. *Jessica Alba

Totally loving his(Jeffree Star) heels up there. They so remind me of th ones from Topshop which I've been lusting over for th longest time:
Apparently topshop fancies th idea that they're now a high-end brand and refuse t embrace th spirit of th GSS, though alternatively, River Island's shoes are totally fab too, and they have huge sizes. (omg gr8 for people like me with 7.5 size feet) Before you go all omg what th hell why does she have such huge feet, cuz i know you're thinking it. Paris Hilton(who's a size 13), says 'People with big feet have bigger imaginations and bigger bank accounts.' Totally inspiration or whaaaaaaaaat?! And i think this is like wrong t bad mouth brands but all this talk about shoes is making me so pissed off at Charles and Keith, srsly not everybody has size smaller than size 7 feet. Unlucky people like me who still totally patronize them have t totally squeeze. Squeezing=blisters=ugly feet=phobia of wearing slippers=more squeezing. Equations!^^
Speaking of equations reminds me, i ltotally lost my calculator, that would be th third one I've lost in two and a half years? How am i supposed t do stuff like trigo and log with my PHONE CALCULATOR? I sweaaaar, if i grow up and become th CEO of like nokia (yes not LG cuz my gorgeous albeit bimbo LG viewty dropped and is not in comatose), I would totally put more functions in phone calculators. Watch out for it(!!!!)
O.M.G I just realized M.F and J.S have something in common. Like her last name is actually Foxx, and his is actually Starr. People like me who want long surnames (ok easier for me i just have t marry a Mr mysurnameissoultralongi'mnotgonnatypeitout) are like so sad and they're shortening theirs?! Talk about issues.
Fb is getting all boring and i saw this quiz thing on my homepage, 'Which crazy bitch are you?' and my friend got Sylvia Plath. I was like whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat th hell, she's like th most awesome poet ever. Hahaha talk about th world, where deep=psycho. Sure is something t think about.

xx

and you think i know no pain?

pain? what would they know?
sorrow? how many of them have experienced the half of what i have?
do they reserve any right to speak of it?

would i not understand that feeling?
pain? a pastime
loneliness? a daily struggle
guilt? a constant quicksand
rejection? an eternal fact of life
inferiority? every second of my education
shame? more than anyone could ever imagine
disappointment? beyond belief

pain is no more than a fact of life for me.
and they say i don't understand it.

they think i'm simply who i am at the surface.
they don't know me.

so much, so much you all don't know.
what right have you to speak.

you know not of what i've been through.
expectations, shames, disappointments are all but part of my life.

but i live on,
treasuring the little happiness i can find.
relishing it, cherishing it.

i cling on to what little i have,
and survive.

the time shall come,
when i will be made new.
when my sorrows, hurts and all my pain,
will be taken away, to the lofty heavens,
lost, to be recovered no more.
it is until then, i cling on to the hope of my calling.
it is until then, i await You, my Lord.

pressure

hmm.
and the pressure builds.

the responsibilities pile up.
the burdens hit the skies.

let's do this.







chem test. chinese CT.
FTW.